Insane InLove
by thecoffeeaddict
Summary: "After everything that we've put each other through, our hearts still skip a beat for each other. Does that make us crazy? Yes. Do we care? No."  Happening after the season 10 break-up. Clare's a junior, Eli's a senior. Rated T for coarse language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A/N**: **I took a huge break from writing fan-fiction it has something to do with the fact that it was consuming my life, but its mostly because junior year SUCKS! Anyways, I'm back in ff world, I'm excited that Degrassi's back, and** disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**Something you should know about this story: I'm disregarding everything that happened on season 11, because I'm stuck on season 10 EClare perfection. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>:

"You two have a project due tomorrow and I don't mean to intrude, but I'm not seeing much progress. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is fine. It will be great."

"Okay," Ms. Dawes shrugged, "I'm just warning you, you guys made it to advanced writing 2.0, but you can easily get dropped. This class is a lot more serious than last year's keep that in mind. There are a lot of students who would love your spot in AWT."

"I-I'm sorry."

"It's just a warning; you and Eli set your differences aside. Figure it out."

"We will."

"Bye Clare."

Ms. Dawes left Clare standing by herself in shock; Clare had pursued her spot in this class since her first year at Degrassi, and now it was in jeopardy because of her writing partner. The thought irritated her, and in a sudden rush of annoyance she found herself speeding towards the school's parking lot. She sighed in relieve when she saw Eli standing by the gates still waiting for his dad to pick him up.

"What is wrong with you?" she demanded heatedly as she approached him, "Are you trying to make us fail?"

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." He responded coldly, and then added "I no longer have to censor myself in front of you." when he saw her cringe at his foul language.

"I never knew it was an act, I thought you were just a gentleman." She said softly as she fiddled with her fingers shyly.

Her words staggered him a little bit. "It was never an act; I was just willing to do anything for you."

They stood there in a silence that was neither awkward nor comfortable.

"What did you come here for?" he asked finally.

"Ms. Dawes warned me that we're doing poorly in AWT, she said our project doesn't seem to be making progress."

"Your point?" he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't want to get kicked out of AWT!" She said exasperated.

"You won't. I'll handle my half, you handle yours."

"How much can I trust that?" she challenged crossing her arms.

"It's not a matter of trust." He said coldly, "Not everything is based on trust, you should know that."

"Well I'm just saying," she spat out quietly, "You haven't been keeping up with your half, and maybe you need to sort out your priorities."

"Oh really?" he scoffed.

She braced herself mentally. Time had accustomed her to Eli's sarcasm, but right now there was an unpleasantness in his tone that made it obvious to her that she was about to get insulted.

"Sort out my priorities?" he mocked incredulously, "Is that the advice I'm getting from someone whose priorities change with the seasons? Did you forget how you broke up with me Clare? Do you not recall your little overused rhetoric? Growing apart! Priorities? Someone who went to a stupid dance instead of being there when I needed them the most is lecturing me about priorities?"

The deadly stillness that fell upon them lasted only a few seconds because just then Bullfrog had pulled up next to Eli. He entered the car murmuring "I'll handle my half."

"Send it before midnight." She managed to whisper.

"I'll send it when it's done."

"Clare would you like a ride to your house?" asked Bullfrog.

"No thanks Bullfrog." She responded with a puny smile, "I'm uh, staying after-school today. I don't get out till very late."

"Oh, well be careful out there Clare. It's very dangerous."

"I will. Goodnight then." She started to walk away slowly as Bullfrog drove away.

"Eli, what did you say to Clare just before I arrived?"

"We were discussing a project that's due tomorrow."

"But you didn't say anything hurtful, did you now? She looked seconds away from tears."

"Sparing Clare's feelings is no longer a concern of mine." he said apathetically.

Clare made her way to the front doors of Degrassi without ever looking up from her hands. Eli never looked away from her; he stared out the window during the whole ride even after she was out of sight, as to not give himself away to Bullfrog, but the whole time it was about her.

Bullfrog noted this.

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><p>He sent her his project at 7:54 and she sent his hers at 8:00, he suspected that she had been done beforehand and was just waiting to receive his first.<p>

Curious to him, her e-mail had been sent from a school computer as indicated by the bottom of the message. He waited half an hour before replying: _It has no errors. No alterations needed._

She replied: _Same._

It was now 8:47, and again she had reached him through a school computer.

What he did next would bother him for the coming hours. He couldn't explain it to himself after he went through with it. The best he could manage was that his mind went into a frenzy, and a crazy compulsion crept into his being.

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><p>In about 15 minutes he was on his bike at Degrassi's parking lot. He wasn't sure what to do once he reached the school, and that's when he became aware of how ridiculous he was being.<p>

Either way, he looked around for Clare while hating himself for it.

_You don't care. Why are you here you dumb-ass? _

He almost gave in to himself and left, but then he caught a glimpse of her silhouette moving around the edges of the rooftop.

His heart nudged his chest. It was partly because she looked like she was going to jump off or fall from the building, and partly because being around her made him this way. _Even after all the fucking bullshit. _

He sighed, dropped his bike and, though he despised himself in the process, made his way towards the side of the school where he stood on the dumpster and quietly climbed towards the top.

When Eli finally settled on the smooth pebbles that covered the rooftop, he looked around for Clare until finally he spotted her a few meters away. She was retreating from the ledge as she approached what he made out to be a sleeping bag. He stared at the sleeping bag in surprise, and with even greater shock he saw that next to it was a small suit-case, Clare's book-bag, and a teddy bear. His jaw dropped.

Unable to move, he was forced to watch her as she relaxed herself onto the sleeping bag and drifted into her dreams. Part of him maintained that while he was immobile at the precise moment she fell asleep, he probably would have watched her do so at will.

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><p>Once his mind had digested that Clare was, most-likely, living on the school roof, he slowly approached her. She was in sound slumber, and although aware of her deep-sleep habits he took gentle steps around her, his feet barely stroking the gravel. <em>Careful you crazy coo-coo head; you shouldn't even be here in the first place!<em>

He watched her and instantly regretted it. Her face was a roller-coaster to him, as cliché as he thought it was, that was the most accurate depiction of what it did to him. It was a roller-coaster because it journeyed him to heaven when he looked at it, and then it sent him diving into hell. When he looked at it angels and demons collided at the core of his soul, causing his insides boil like the fire from the underworld, and his exterior to freeze like the cold barrier of a windy sky.

In no time, he was wedged between love and hate, bliss and anger, happiness and melancholy. It strangled him in a slow seductive manner until he finally had to retract his eyes from her face. It wasn't until he did so that his mind was free, and it wasn't until then that he realized that his jaw was clenched, his breathing was heavy, and his heart was pounding in his chest.

He felt awkward now, alone there in the roof with Clare. He couldn't endure the pain of looking at her, which is why he upheld an unfriendliness towards her. But she was asleep right now so he couldn't be mean to her, if anything watching her sleep would weaken his vulnerability.

He paced back and forth, still cautious about the noise emitted by his steps, unsure of what to do.

_Think Eli think! _

He finally sat down against the gated building-top entry and sighed in defeat, his brain was slowly abandoning him.

_You are __crazy__, how dare you come here for __Clare__, you __**idiot**!_

He looked at her face again before he could think twice about it and this time, in his drunken exhaustion, he only felt the tranquility of that roller-coaster.

"It's not- it's" he breathed in slowly, his sleepiness invading, "I'm not still-" his voice broke into a silent desperate cry, "still… in-love with you Clare am I?" he sobbed miserably.

In a matter of minutes, with tears on his cheeks, he had sailed into his dreams as well.

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><p>Reviews and subscriptions are much appreciated! :] (This includes constructive criticism but excludes being meana troll.)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, school is crazy so I might update every Friday or Saturday. :) **Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.**

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><p>Chapter 2:<p>

Voices concealed in his subconscious mind nagged Eli the entire time he was sleeping and forced him to wake up.

His upper-body shot up in wildly, a reaction to a nightmare that he couldn't recall. Also, the pebbles underneath him had been squashing into his muscles as he slept; the soreness was beginning dawn on him. So he sat there, panting from forgotten terror and feeling the wrath of the tiny stones, certain that his discomfort couldn't worsen.

Then he noticed that this whole time, for who knew how long, Clare had been staring at him. She was looking down at him with an indecipherable expression on her face. Even Eli, who had a knack for reading people, could not determine whether he should relax or panic.

"Clare!" He exclaimed in shock.

Her lips parted as if she was about to say something, then they closed, and then they opened. And then they closed again.  
>Eli himself was speechless; he did not know what to do because he was beginning to feel to the contradicting effects of look at her roller-coaster face. Fire and ice.<br>He held his breath and clenched his jaw.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded finally.

This sent Eli into angry hysterics.

"None of your business." He said nastily. He stood up and started to pace madly.

"It is my business. How did you even find me?" She spat back.

"Oh calm your ego! Who said I was even looking for you?"

He began to walk away.

She folded her arms. "So why did you come here?"

"I came here," he said gravely, "to commit suicide."

He stepped onto the ledge and felt Clare freeze behind him.

"Eli no!" She panicked and sped towards him. "Stop, get off the ledge!"

"It's too late Clare. I've made up my mind; I'm going to make a statement."

He lifted his foot, dipped it into the open air, and left it dangling there.

In no time, Clare had grabbed his wrist and pulled him off the ledge screaming,  
>"STOP, STOP NO!"<p>

She pushed him to the ground and fell down next to him sobbing and trembling.  
>He stared at her indifferently;nourishing on her terror, savoring this moment. And after a moment of absorbing it, he started to laugh.<br>It took her a few minutes to notice this because she was too lost in her fear.

"Why are you laughing?" She demanded through tears. "It's not funny."

He laughed harder.

"It's not funny!" She cried, getting scared.

"Relax Clare." He said attempting to stand up, only to be grabbed by the wrist and get pulled back down by her.  
>"I'm not going to kill myself!" He said finally.<p>

She stared at him muffled. "But…you" She said faintly.

"I lied." His tone was harsh.

She stood up angrily. "Why? Why would you lie about something like that?"

"Because I wanted to."

"Because you wanted to? Are you crazy? What is _wrong_ with you?"

"That's right Clare, get angry. Let it consume you." He said calmly.

"Get angry? You did that just to-"

"Yes!" he yelled. "Yes I did Clare; I did that to make you suffer. I want to see pain in your eyes!"

She stared at him in shock, and he finally saw the pain that he was hoping for.

It was not the type of pain that came from torture, the physical pain. This pain was emotional; it was the type of pain that was caused by loss of hope and broken-hearts. It was the pain of a dying flower getting beaten by the wind, knowing that the sun could save her, but aware that it wouldn't.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"For what?" he asked sarcastically, "For destroying me?"

"I didn't mean to dest-"

"But you did. You made my life a living hell. And I saw you laughing all the time afterwards. Going about like nothing ever happened."

She backed away as he approached her. "You had everything and I had nothing! And I wanted to make you suffer."

He closed his eyes and lowered his chin, "I wanted to break you down, just like you did to me." And then he looked up at her and took a deep breath, "But it's killing me to see you like this."

Clare felt her insides awaken at that moment. Her mind went black and her instincts went wild. she couldn't really explain the way she felt, the sudden rebirth, the craziness that went on inside of her head. All she could explain was the warmth of it all.

Losing her caution, she took a step forward, "Do you know what I would have done had you jumped off the ledge?" she whispered.

He shook his head looking down again, and she brushed her hand through the side of his neck, lifting his chin to make eye contact.

"I would have jumped right after you."

He looked at her in disbelief.

Then they kissed.

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><p>Thank you guys for subscribing, the response made me really happy! Reviews = encouragement!<p>

Bye! x3


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am truly sorry for not updating in such a long time. I just honestly thought that nobody was reading this story because it didn't get much of a response. My intention was not to disappoint :(****! Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, nor Gravity by Coldplay. **

**Enjoy! :) **

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><p>"I need you to promise me that you're not going to tell anybody where I'm staying."<p>

"Cross my heart... but I need to know why you're staying here."

Clare starts to fiddle with the ring on her finger. "Because my parents are bastards."

"I'm sorry." Eli grabs her hand in condolence, "You don't have to go on."

Clare ignores his last line and continues exasperatedly, "You know they don't even know I'm missing? That's how caught up they are in their own freaking lives. Not that I mind, I'd rather not be searched for, but still!" She takes a breath. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize for listening to your emotions."

Clare smiles and after a pause asks, "So what's new with you?"

Eli looks at the brightening sky, "I've uh- been diagnosed with bipolar disorder." He shrugs, "No biggie right?"

Clare's eyes widen, "Oh Eli." She whispers, "I feel so terrible!"

"No, no." he shakes his head, "You weren't the cause of it."

"But I," her voice breaks, "I abandoned you."

"It's part of the past. Plus who can blame you really? I was acting crazy, and you had a lot on your plate."

"But still-"

"I'm the crazy one who held a grudge against you for such a long time!" he starts to get angry with himself, "I shouldn't have scared you like that."

"Actually it was the best prank anyone has ever pulled on me." She smiles.

They start to laugh. They're insides feel funny, there's a "highness" trickling within their veins, a rush that tickles their skin. They know, in their laughter, that they are the only ones for each other. That even though they are crazy to even think about getting back together, there is nobody else that either of them can be with. None but one another: Eli is for Clare, and Clare is for Eli. The world frowns upon their relationship, but they don't give a damn. There, under the rising sun on Degrassi's rooftop, they hold hands and laugh together, and everything else is below them; everything else disappears.

"Oh my, it's already five thirty; I need to go cleanse myself and change." She jumps up. "Don't question my methods Eli." She warns laughing.

Eli chuckles, "I'm going to go get us breakfast." He follows her. They rush downstairs and right when they're about to split ways he grabs her by the elbow and kisses her quickly and intensely.

"See you later." He breathes.

"Okay." She responds dizzily.

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><p>Half an hour later she sees him sitting next to the front steps of Degrassi, where they used to study together. She approaches him with crossed arms and sits next to him quietly.<p>

He looks over at her, smirks slightly, and he passes her a brown bag with orange juice and a fruit salad.

"I remember that was your favorite." He says in almost a whisper.

"Still is." She smiles, "Thanks."

They eat peacefully. The silence is comfortable.

Very slowly students start to show up, one by one like leaves falling from trees on a hot, windless summer day. Time seems to have stopped.

"So what now?" asks Clare staring straight ahead biting her lips.

"Now that we've made up?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I still love you."

"I still love you too."

"So I guess that means we're together again." He feels for her hand and then intertwines their fingers when he finds it.

"Guess so." She rests her head upon his shoulder.

The wind brushes softly upon their faces; they look over at each other and smile.

_Baby, _

_It's been long time coming. Such a long, long time. And I can't stop running. Such a long, long time. _

_Can you hear my heart beating? Can you hear that sound? Cause I can't help thinking; and won't stop now. _

_And then looked up at the sun and I could see. Oh the way that gravity pulls on you and me. _

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. <strong>

** I need to know that people are keeping tabs on this story, so please leave a REVIEW letting me know. It serves as encouragement!**

**If you liked this SUBSCRIBE!  
><strong>

** The ending lines are lyrics from the song Gravity by Coldplay. Beautiful song and if you want to know the mood I was leaning towards in the end, then you should go listen to it!**

** Thank you for those of you who have been supporting me by subscribing and reviewing! Much love! x3_  
><em>**


	4. Chapter 4

I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I feel like I owe you guys an explanation as to why I haven't updated in such a long time.

Frankly, I've been much stressed, and very sick. My immune system sucks, and I'm I have really bad anxiety so I've been a mess.

My last day of classes is Tuesday and then I'll have to endure the much dreaded "PBA week" at my school. PBA week is like "finals week" on steroids, I'll be going in giving one-on-one presentations on my projects, taking exams, labs etc. It's horrible. I've been living coffee, tea, and cold water splashed to my face for the past couple of weeks.

But after that's over I will have all the time in the world to continue to update.

I'm very sorry, but I'll be updating soon!

Much love,

Elinol. x3


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